The Newest News I Knew

“I still love you,” he said to me as I took a seat next to him.
“I love you, too,” thrilled that my feelings were not unrequited.
“I still love you,” he repeated. “Even though you’re married.”
I laughed then. “I love you, too, Jude.”
Jeff and I have tried to explain the concept of marriage to Jude – to no avail. He decided that he wanted to marry Mommy and though Mommy was very flattered, Daddy had to explain the many reasons that just wasn’t possible. His three-year-old brain processed that information and then he decided “I’ll just marry Daddy then.”
Life with a three-year-old is many things, but it is never boring.

I am back to work today, which explains the new blog as I actually have time to sit down to write one. That, and I am trying to distract myself, as six weeks spent bonding with Sully have been great and I already miss his little face. I already have his picture plastered all over my office, joining my other family photos and as I look at his face, I can vividly recall his warm breath, the way his tiny hands curl into gentle fists and the way he passes out post-bottle, milk almost always evident above his lip and on his chin. He curls his body up onto mine and sleeps – or, actually, he had until today. Today is a very difficult day. I asked Jude to keep an eye on him during the day, as Jude loves to feel helpful. His reply: “I won’t let anyone take him, Mom.”

I overdosed on movie-watching while I was home, taking full advantage of the immense library we have amassed over the past couple of decades. (Yes, decades. I’ve been collecting movies since I was 13 or 14 and Jeff must have started his collection around that time as well). I discovered that, as heart-wrenching as Kramer vs. Kramer is, Ordinary People is even more so. (Seriously. I don’t know how any mom can watch that movie and not be devastated.) I rediscovered favorite films like Chasing Amy and Almost Famous. I watched some truly awful films from Netflix. I would rank Tears of Kali among the very worst films I have ever seen. I contemplated the sheer fortune wrapped up in video and hope that the boys will appreciate their inheritance. Jude has moved on from Firehouse Dog and has discovered the action of Spiderman and Spiderman 2. I have now seen those two movies many, many times. (Go ahead. Quiz me.) Even though I am growing a bit weary of them, it is still cute to hear Jude say “Green Goblin,” which comes out more like “Green Gwobwin” and he has taken to pretending to shoot webs all over the house.

We had a good Thanksgiving, fairly uneventful, shuffling from Jeff’s parents to mine. We filled up on turkey at my mother-in-law’s and my father’s, then off to mom’s for the unconventional dinner of steak, shrimp and crab legs. I was in food heaven – so much divine ambrosia and I didn’t have to cook at all.

Random thought of the day: it would really, really hurt to be stoned to death.

Song of the day: “Mother” from Pink Floyd.

The Times They Are A Changin'

It has been many moons since my last post. Life has been flying by at light speed; my tiny newborn is already a five-week-old. We've settled into a routine these last five weeks. Sully eats and sleeps when he needs to and the rest of us adjust our schedules to accomodate him. Eventually, we will all by on the same schedule. Eventually.

Today I went to lunch at our favorite Japanese restaurant, then went to Barnes and Noble to buy a gift for my niece. It was a low-key way to spend a Friday afternoon -- so low-key that Sullivan spent the day asleep as we ventured out. I nearly wept huge crocodile tears of happiness just to be out of the house.

The past few weeks I've spent nearly all of my time inside, recovering from my c-section, confusing my days and nights, bonding with the tiny person I've been caring for. After a couple weeks, I grew accustomed to my new schedule -- indeed, to my new life and the outside world seems strange, as though all sorts of events have taken place and I am privy to none of them. The world outside of my house just feels strange. Life has gone on without me. I am nearing the end of my restrictions and will be able to drive again and will soon have to head back to work -- something I am not quite ready for. I've enjoyed seeing the same little face all day long and will miss him terribly when it is time to send him to daycare. But, I am comforted at least by the thought that he will be with Jude during the day. Jude is already protective of his tiny sibling and has shown himself to be a loving brother.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, to finally separating my butt from the couch and to introduce Sully to the extended family. This year in particular I am thankful and I don't want to ever forget it.