Monday Thoughts

Anyone who has spent more than a minute with me has noticed that I tend to have mood swings. I prefer to call it “artistic temperament,” but “mood swings” is not inaccurate. Today my feelings have been all over the place. I blame The Black Dahlia. The movie is very pretty to look at. Okay, that takes care of the positive comments: now for the negative ones. Let me start by saying that I loved L.A. Confidential. I have seen it a few times now and find it to be a good example of what contemporary “noir” can be. Dahlia, on the other hand, is boring and meandering and is less about the Dahlia murder case than my own autobiography is. It has taken us three days (so far) to watch. Even though I have not finished the movie, I still feel qualified to give my opinion. I am a big believer in second chances and not making rash decisions. However, last evening I threw all of that out the window when I decided that I had to go to bed instead of watching the last 15 minutes. Because I am a masochist, however, I will be watching the last 15 minutes this evening, and, unless there is some sort of tap-dancing animal or unbelievable twist at the end, the movie cannot be redeemed. There is potential in the story, I think, though there are so many other things going on that I cannot in good conscience recommend it to anyone with any kind of attention deficit (or anyone who doesn’t have an attention deficit).
Though I would like nothing more than to blame Dahlia for my current state of mind, I know there is something else going on my mind, something that I need to write about briefly, so here goes: I had a miscarriage. I was barely even pregnant, but I did have the positive pee-on-the-stick test and very short elation before I miscarried. Certainly there wasn’t enough time to bond with the barely fertilized egg before it was gone, yet I still feel sad. I am giving myself all kinds of reasons not to feel sad, but the sadness creeps in around the periphery none-the-less. Jeff and Jude accompanied me to the doctor today and as I sat in the doctor’s office nearly crying, I couldn’t help but think “This doctor must really think I’m nuts. Every time I come here, I am either crying or on the brink of crying.” I allowed myself one long look at the beauty of the pregnant women all around us, then, we went out for ice cream and I headed back to work. Life goes on and I comfort myself with two thoughts: one, I will be a pregnant woman again (though one more baby is my limit – I’m not running some kind of factory in there) and two: 15 more minutes and I never have to watch The Black Dahlia again. Now that is something to smile about. Oh, and today was unseasonably warm and I dyed my hair back to red so things are looking up.
This week's Jeff and Kim poll: Which tv character would you most like to date? Jeff chose Pam Beasley and I chose Jim Halpert (both, of course, from The Office.)