Boy, Oh Boy

I have settled into the idea of being a mother to two boys. Yes, this latest ultrasound has revealed the boyness of Baby X. So, now he has a name, just as Jude had a name from the moment we were able to see his first image on the ultrasound monitor. We’ve named him Sullivan. At this news, his grandparents have informed us that they all plan to call him Sully. This is okay with us. Jude often points to my belly now and says “Sullivan is in there” and the baby himself frequently makes his presence known – especially after meals. Even with a name, I can’t quite imagine what he will look like, who he will most resemble, but I am excited to meet him in a few months. I hope he likes us.

Preparing for a second child is nothing like preparing for the first. When I was pregnant with Jude, we moved everything out of the “library” into the basement and the library became a nursery. We (meaning Jeff and my step-dad) painted the room and we arranged dressers and the crib, put clothes away in drawers and left some outfits hanging from teeny hangers in the closet. I mentioned to Jeff that it was like having a college roommate who forwards all of his stuff to the room, then we have to wait around for a few months to meet him. Our house is small, cozy and comfortable, but small. Always underfoot are blocks and trucks and tiny dinosaurs (which Jude plays with, growling “I’m a monster bad guy”). Visitors might assume that we didn’t have a cat (as she is always hiding in the basement, sleeping), but no one would ever assume that we didn’t have a child. Usually the end table between the couch and recliner has books on it from the previous night’s reading (right now Dora The Explorer and The Very Hungry Caterpillar) and remnants of Cheerios. In short, it is not really our dorm room anymore. Not only has the other roommate moved it, but he has also taken over. So, I wonder where will Sullivan fit? When he gets stuff, where will it go? There is no question that we have made room in our hearts for another little guy. Now we just have to find floor space. And dresser space. And closet space. But, there is time. I am not too worried. Now, I need to sneak away. I hear a monster bad guy who could use some tickling before dinner time.

What Are You Watching, Mama?

This morning while Jude and I ate our breakfast, we watched an episode of Angel (Season 4, Episode 2). “Are we watching Angel, Mama?” Jude asks, even though he has seen several episodes. I tell him “Yes, we are.” He nods his head. “I like Angel.” I wrestled with the decision of whether to let him enter the Buffy/Angel universe. In the end, I decided that it was a good chance for life lessons. Whenever we watch, I make sure to shield Jude from overt violence, though even when he sees people shoving one another on screen, he looks at me and says “We never do that.” I tell him that he is right, that we never do that. He also likes being able to differentiate between “good guys” and “bad guys.” Another good lesson to teach: you can’t always tell good guys from bad guys based on appearance. Sure, there are several large, ugly heavily made-up demon “bad guys,” but Lorne (a personal favorite) is a demon good guy. Important lesson to learn. More important: sometimes people can’t be broken down into easy good/bad categories, but that lesson can wait until he is a bit older. And while lessons are important, there is a side of me that is just in it for the on-the-couch cuddling that we sometimes do in the early morning hours, since later in the day it is impossible to get him to stand still long enough for even a quick hug.
Jude is showing more of an interest in movies. We have developed a weekly ritual where we go to the library and rent movies. He tends to like Bob the Builder and Thomas the Train the best, though I think it is the ritual and the freedom of choice he likes even more than the shows themselves. More often then not, when he decides he wants to watch a movie he will request Shrek. Sometimes I try to steer him toward Shrek 2, but he is not fooled. He knows that he likes and will hold up the Shrek box and say “No, Mama, I want to watch this one.”
Last non-Shrek-movie watched was a Cary Grant film, Suspicion. As I am a fan of Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock, I thought it was a pretty good film. Jude doesn’t seem to care for Grant as much as I do.
Movie before last, though was a documentary entitled Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns. A fun, interesting insight into They Might Be Giants. I dig them and their quirkiness, so it was good to learn more about them. Though I am not a rabid fan, I do have a few of their albums and really like the way they can combine upbeat tunes with really sad, thought-provoking lyrics. Or the way some of the songs are just very silly and fun.
Most of all, though, Jude, I am watching you, my baby who is no longer my baby, my heart so full when I look at you, especially when you don’t notice me watching.

Get Lost

For the past few months, I have been wildly preoccupied with something that had nothing to do with the tiny life growing inside me. Even at my busiest, I have to have some sort of creative outlet in order to maintain my sanity. For me, this has always been writing. I can’t sing or dance or paint a picture that looks like anything, but I like to write. I decided to condense my archives of written materials, dating back to high school onto a single flash disk, which I did, late last year. I would carry it back and forth to work to review old poetry or work on my current novel. It was convenient and portable and I managed to lose it. Completely gone, with no back up, no other copy of some of the work, including my novel. I lost it months ago and I have been pretty upset. It isn’t as though it would be valuable to anyone else, but to me, it was a chance to see a bit of my past, reflected in my interests, in my writing (though that sounds so pretentious). Jeff scoured the house for it, knowing that Jude likes to get into my purse and the cat will bat any small items around with her paws, but no luck. I searched my car and my office. I had to concede that it was gone and I would just have to start over. But I didn’t feel like I had the energy to start over, so day after day passed without my writing anything, including my blog because I just didn’t feel up to it. I knew it was my own fault for putting all of the items in one place. That was a lesson I should have learned a few years ago when my purse was stolen and I had such a terrible time getting a new driver’s license since I carried around every piece of identification that I had. So, whoever took off with my purse was likely able to steal my identity if he or she wanted, though I granted them the gift of poor credit. So, take that, would-be identity thieves. Then, a year later I went and got married and changed my name after discovering that too many people could spell and pronounce my maiden name.
I got used to the idea of never seeing my novel again. This, after several months of wondering whether I would ever be able to finish it, as the first half has been written and rewritten several times. Jude too cheers me up with his never-ending chatter and amusing observations. I never knew that two-year-olds could be so astute. Much of the most amusing thoughts come while I am driving. I have learned it is possible to focus on the road and listen to him at the same time. Last week, we were having a conversation about a road on the way to his daycare being blocked. As he loves trucks, he was hoping to see the big construction trucks, while I was hoping to avoid a detour. The road wasn’t blocked and we laughed about it. Once we got to daycare, I got him out of his seat as always and set him down next to the car while I gathered his accoutrement. He reached down into the car and extracted a precious gem from beneath my car seat. Yep, there it was. My flash disk. I had even cleaned out my car, poking beneath seats (though, granted, my bending is not what it used to be). I was so happy. He lifted it up “What’s this, Mama? This yours?” Yes, Jude, that’s mine, I thought, kissing the top of his sweet little head. Immediately, I set about copying the whole disk onto another disk that won’t leave the house. Not taking any chances this time. Thank you, Jude.