Get Lost

For the past few months, I have been wildly preoccupied with something that had nothing to do with the tiny life growing inside me. Even at my busiest, I have to have some sort of creative outlet in order to maintain my sanity. For me, this has always been writing. I can’t sing or dance or paint a picture that looks like anything, but I like to write. I decided to condense my archives of written materials, dating back to high school onto a single flash disk, which I did, late last year. I would carry it back and forth to work to review old poetry or work on my current novel. It was convenient and portable and I managed to lose it. Completely gone, with no back up, no other copy of some of the work, including my novel. I lost it months ago and I have been pretty upset. It isn’t as though it would be valuable to anyone else, but to me, it was a chance to see a bit of my past, reflected in my interests, in my writing (though that sounds so pretentious). Jeff scoured the house for it, knowing that Jude likes to get into my purse and the cat will bat any small items around with her paws, but no luck. I searched my car and my office. I had to concede that it was gone and I would just have to start over. But I didn’t feel like I had the energy to start over, so day after day passed without my writing anything, including my blog because I just didn’t feel up to it. I knew it was my own fault for putting all of the items in one place. That was a lesson I should have learned a few years ago when my purse was stolen and I had such a terrible time getting a new driver’s license since I carried around every piece of identification that I had. So, whoever took off with my purse was likely able to steal my identity if he or she wanted, though I granted them the gift of poor credit. So, take that, would-be identity thieves. Then, a year later I went and got married and changed my name after discovering that too many people could spell and pronounce my maiden name.
I got used to the idea of never seeing my novel again. This, after several months of wondering whether I would ever be able to finish it, as the first half has been written and rewritten several times. Jude too cheers me up with his never-ending chatter and amusing observations. I never knew that two-year-olds could be so astute. Much of the most amusing thoughts come while I am driving. I have learned it is possible to focus on the road and listen to him at the same time. Last week, we were having a conversation about a road on the way to his daycare being blocked. As he loves trucks, he was hoping to see the big construction trucks, while I was hoping to avoid a detour. The road wasn’t blocked and we laughed about it. Once we got to daycare, I got him out of his seat as always and set him down next to the car while I gathered his accoutrement. He reached down into the car and extracted a precious gem from beneath my car seat. Yep, there it was. My flash disk. I had even cleaned out my car, poking beneath seats (though, granted, my bending is not what it used to be). I was so happy. He lifted it up “What’s this, Mama? This yours?” Yes, Jude, that’s mine, I thought, kissing the top of his sweet little head. Immediately, I set about copying the whole disk onto another disk that won’t leave the house. Not taking any chances this time. Thank you, Jude.