Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Skinny of It All

A quick update on Drama King and Biter Baby. After a serious parental discussion, we decided to go back to Jude and Sullivan. Jude -- doing well, big dramatic gestures and all. Jeff is in the process of introducing Jude to the Star Wars films. Jude is 4. He asks 10 questions every 4 seconds (yep, he's that quick). Jeff is a masochist. But daddy and son both seem to love Star Wars and Jude even has a favorite character: Okey-wan-adobe.

Sullivan has another new tooth (five in all now) and an adorable habit of standing up in the bathtub mid-bath. When I gently set him down, saying "No, Sully. No standing in the bathtub," he looks at me as if seriously considering my proposal before pulling himself back up to the standing position. It has become a wrestling match just to give him a bath.

On the job front, I am hopeful because I have spent too much time being not hopeful and that isn't helpful either. I have prospects. I even applied for a job at a local college and felt a bit lost as I wandered the campus. The students there had something that I haven't felt in my own professional life in quite some time: a sense of purpose. The thrill of something new. In college, "they" tell you crap like "What would you do if you didn't have to work? Well, that's what you should do for work." My first choice of non-work activity would be sitting on the couch watching movies and that isn't realistic. But there is a second choice, something that I could totally (maybe) do for a living, something that I am actually really good at and I am trying to figure out how to expand upon that, turn that into something that pays well (enough). I've even gotten serious enough to make inquiries about starting a website for said project and a friend was kind enough to provide me with some information on getting a website. I've done research until my eyes are crossed and I must ask: is there anyone who knows how to start/maintain a website? I have gotten good advice on how to do it myself, but let's be honest here: it is likely I would screw it up myself. I'm quite serious. I want to purchase (very cheaply) a domain name, etc. Tell me what you know. Tell me how you would do it, step by step, treating me like I had no clue what I was doing (because I really, really don't). I can't even make my blog any prettier than it already is. There are people with talents for things like that; my talents (I think) lie elsewhere. So I am begging. Pleading. Tell me what you know.

I know what else I know: apparently I am hanging on to baby weight from my sweet boys out of some bizarre sentimentality. Well, that ends now. My husband has this habit of taking my picture, despite my threats to do him bodily harm. Now, it speaks volumes that I would rather injure Jeff than let him take photographic evidence that I am here, so it is time to do something about that and I have. Jeff has his gym schedule and I have started my own exercise program here. I will monitor my progress here in the same haphazard way that I monitor everything else on this blog. I have this love of ice cream (and ice cream merchandisers), but I miss my pre-baby body and want to see it again in this lifetime.

Oh, and to the dear reader who thought it would be fun to send me an email that sent me off to google a quite nasty picture, thank you. I have printed off said picture, framed it and put it on the fridge. I haven't been able to eat ever since. Best. Diet. Ever.

Song of the day: (yes, it is back!) Engine Driver by The Decembrists. I choose this song simply because I can't get it out of my head. See, Jeff has this cool habit of downloading songs and making up CDs for each writing project that he does and I have this habit of stealing said CDs to listen to in my car. So, thanks for your hard work, Jeff. And no, I haven't seen your CD. Why do you ask?

Movie Review: The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford. Jeff asked me to watch this with him today. It was long (nearly three hours) and really, really good. It has a wonderful screenplay and great dialogue and it is a pretty slow-paced movie but I just loved it. Terrific performances by Casey Affleck and Brad Pitt. There is even a scene with Nick Cave singing. There is great narration as well and I suspect that those passages were lifted directly from the book. Loved it.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Tale of Two Kiddies

I have had to rename my children. It isn't that I don't like the names Jude and Sullivan anymore; I still do like them very much. However, the four-year-old (previously known as Jude) shall now be known as Drama King (maybe Drama Prince, because of his age) and the ten-month-old (previously known as Sullivan) shall henceforth be known as Biter Baby.

This weekend, I was able to see Drama King in all his glory. DK, who used to be able to share tv/movie time, has now decided that he does not care to do so anymore. Whenever he is called upon to turn away from his special television time (time which consists of putting in, but never actually sitting down to watch) a movie or television show (and, yes, I would much rather he play than watch tv), he does not share willingly. After a few episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants, I calmly explained to DK that although the exploits of an under-the-sea dwelling anthropomorphic sponge are entertaining, it was time to move on to something else. DK then raised his arm in -- what else? -- dramatic fashion and boldly declared "You never let me watch anything." The drama. The pathos. For a moment, I was touched by his plight.



Then, my attention was diverted by the baby. He crawled by at top speed, pausing to look up at me and smile. He then plopped down on his diapered rear and reached out his hands to me (I love the reaching out of the hands). I extended my two index fingers and he used them to pull himself up to a stand. He grinned, showing off those four teeth, which he promptly sunk into my forearm, catching me just right so as to draw blood and leave a fairly sizable bruise on my arm. Now he is known as Biter Baby. Biter Baby has also developed the charming habit of pulling himself up, which is very cute and a good developmental state but which makes bathtime very challenging. Biter Baby used to be content splashing in the water, but BB now has to try to stand up in the bathtub. When I say "no" and sit him down, his lip quivers at me.



Biter Baby has been able to chew more than forearms; he eats pretty well. Drama King, on the other hand, is just as difficult regarding food as ever. At dinner, DK will get his food and immediately ask for a snack, to which mean mom and dad tell him "You need to eat your dinner." He will then give us his most pitiful look and sigh "You say that every night." You'd think he would get used to it.

Ah Drama King and Biter Baby. What can I say? I love them.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Blogs About Books (and Stuff) Part 1

This is the part 1 of a planned two-part series of blogs on the subject of books. Part 2 is in the planning stages; expect it in time for your Christmas stockings.

I was moved to write this when I received my water bill this month. Usually, receiving bills in the mail prompts me to put them into a large folder and ignore them, but this bill had a letter from our local mayor included. Generally I skim such letters before recycling them into a large box I call "Stuff I don't care about" but something in this letter moved me and I knew I had to write about it.

There is a spot on the form letter that deals with recycling various household items to local nonprofit agencies -- an idea I fully support. There is a subsection "BOOKS" that reads as follows: "only morally appropriate books accepted".

I've been mulling over that phrase; I can't stop myself really. Do I even own a "morally appropriate book"? I don't know if I have read a "morally appropriate book" since third grade. I'm not sure I would know what a morally appropriate book is and whether I would want that poison in my home.

I'm fairly certain that this blog (and all of the shit contained herein -- see, there I go) is not "morally appropriate". I'm writing a book -- yeah, I said it, I am writing a book and I am really, really certain that it is not "morally appropriate". I hope that it is funny (above all) and maybe a pinch thought-provoking about matters of love and sex and friendship and sex and a bit of sex, but I certainly hope that should it one day grace the shelves of our local bookstores that it will not be picked up, browsed and purchased because it appears to be "morally appropriate".

I know, I know, I am treading down well-worn paths here since I already did a blog extolling the virtues of porn. Still, if there comes a time that one of the morally inappropriate books currently on my shelves needs a good home, I shall not donate said book to the local nonprofit agencies. Oh, no. I will lovingly stick it in an envelope, carefully address it and mail it off to you, dear reader.

You will take good care of it, won't you?

Friday, August 8, 2008

I Asked for the Green and Got the Pink

So my last blog left off with my asking my boss for my paycheck and my not being able to get a response from him. Well, late Sunday night I received a call, not from my boss, but from his wife, informing me that they would have to let me go. Well, that's some kind of record, isn't it? I worked there for a whole week. Then, apparently, my boss decided that I was the kind of pain-in-the-ass employee who expects a paycheck for work I've done. I was informed that my check would be mailed to me. Day after day after day passed and no check. On Thursday, Jeff said that he would "take care of it".

Jeff drove to the office. As soon as my former boss was informed that "Kimberly's husband" was there to see him, he actually issued the check, asking Jeff how our last name is spelled. He then launched into this big story about how he has a small office and that I was a good worker but that he just couldn't afford to keep me on. I am so happy that I went through the interview process, got hired, attempted to implement a new filing system, learned a new computer system and got let go all in the same week.

I am left scrambling around, trying to find a new job again. Needless to say, I am done with lawyers. Done, done, done. No mas.

Anybody hiring? I am a good employee. I have skills.

I do expect to get paid for working, though.

Will that be a problem?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

One Week, One Post

This morning it was very difficult to get out of bed. Let's examine this past week and see if we can't find a cause, together. I have so many blog topics spinning around my brain that I am trying to fit into this one blog, so if it gets too long, feel free to skim ahead.

MONDAY: I have an appointment at 11:00 a.m. with an office that has offered me a job. I get to the office and it turns out that my "appointment" means that I am starting work. I immediately get to answer phones from angry clients. I meet "L", the other legal assistant and I immediately recognize her. We worked at an office in 1999 (three jobs ago for me) for two weeks. She put in her notice just as I started, though I wasn't hired to replace her, but to replace someone at the office who had already left. That was a large office and two people were hired right after I started to replace L and another girl who had been fired during my first week at that office. L worked for Jon and I ended up working for Jon as well a few months later when the person hired to replace L quit as well. (More about Jon later).

TUESDAY: A very crazy day work-wise. My boss, true to his word, is not in the office very much, but spends much of the day in court and otherwise occupied outside the office. L leaves to go to the courthouse with a client to file some paperwork, so I am left alone on my second day to meet with walk-in clients and to answer the very crazy phone lines. I am supposed to leave at 5:00 (and will not get paid for working past 5:00) but there are clients with appointments at 5:00 and 5:30 and still, no boss and no L. Finally L returns at 6:00 and my boss a few minutes later. I don't get home until after 6:30.

WEDNESDAY: Jude's 4th birthday. The birthday is most important, so whatever happens at work that day doesn't matter. After work, I run home quickly so we can eat a quick dinner, give Jude his present and get ready for the fair. Yes, readers, it is fair time again. A really wonderful way to spend Jude's birthday. This year the heat is not nearly as oppressive (as I am not nearly as pregnant). I am able to ride on rides with Jude while Sully and Daddy look on. We all share a very tasty elephant ear. Well, Sully eats some fruit puffs instead, gnawing them with his four(!) teeth and seems very happy with them.



THURSDAY: Showing what a dedicated employee I am, I work only half a day. In all fairness, though, I did tell my boss that I would need Thursday afternoon off since I had to take Jude and Sullivan to the doctor; Jude has his four-year check-up and Sullivan has his nine-month check-up. Jude is 36 inches and 28 pounds and Sullivan is 30 inches and 20 pounds. Both boys are very healthy. We talk to the doctor about possible emotional/learning situations with Jude and agree that we will test Jude for ADD if needed when he starts school. Tough to say whether it is normal enthusiasm or something more than gets Jude moving every moment of the day that he is awake.

After being assured that the children are fine, I go downtown to the office of my old boss, Jon. Jon has ruined me for bosses forever; I know that. No other boss will ever be Jon. I was spoiled. We worked together at the big ol' law firm where I toiled for 6 years and we got along well. We had a whole team that actually worked well together and we would ever all go to lunch together sometimes. Jon and I even shot a commercial together, though it was one that would never air. The camera crew was there and it was meant to be just a quick shot for a montage of lawyers and legal assistants. However, we could not get through the shot without laughing. I think the advertising people hated us. It was his fault. I was sitting at a desk and he walked over to me, handed me a file and said in a low voice "Here you go, dummy." There was no microphone, so no one heard except me, but we couldn't really be serious after that. The shot never made any of the commericials that air ad nauseum during daytime television. (Seriously -- sit home one day and watch tv and see how many ads for lawyers there are.)

That was just one day, but that was Jon. He is a lawyer, a good lawyer, and he has his own office. We worked well together and he works well with the woman that he hired at his new office. It had been a couple of years since I had seen him, as he left the firm three years ago and I left 2 1/2 years ago -- left because I was escorted out, but let's just say it was my choice to leave.

So, I go to see Jon on an actual business matter (a question about incorporating a business) and our visit extends beyond that to play catch-up on the last couple of years. I realize then that I had missed him. It is weird, that feeling. It didn't happen when I first saw him after all this time. It is when he mentions someone we both know and we start really talking and reconnecting. It was the same feeling I felt when my friend, Brian, visited a couple of weeks ago. It didn't happen when I saw him or even when we started talking, but the first time Brian laughed, I realized that I had really missed him and I silently cursed him, wishing again that he and his wife lived closer so that the four of us could spend more time together talking and, yes, laughing together. We could always crack each other up, so laughter was a strong reminder of our friendship.

When I ask Jon about the lawyer I am working for, the first thing he says is "He just got his license back after being suspended for 6 months." This is not news to me, as Wednesday I had found paperwork in the filing that basically gave me that same information. What an exciting adventure this job is turning out to be.

FRIDAY: Back to the grind of work. A very busy day that culminates in my driving downtown to the courthouse (across the street from Jon's office) to file an emergency petition for a client. Then, I come back to the office to the sight of L and T (T works in the office part-time) waxing one another's mustaches (no ephemism there -- there were really waxing each other's mustaches with an over-the-counter wax). Very interesting. I hang out until 5:00, then ask L if she has received her paycheck yet. She says no, but that we get paid every Friday and sometimes it is really late in the day. "How much later can it be?" I ask. "It is already 5:00". I wait until 5:30 and then must go to the post office so that file-marked papers from the court go into that day's mail, but I tell L that I will be back. I get back to the office before 6:00 and the doors are locked. When I get home, I call the office and L is still there. She seems shocked that the doors are locked and double-checks. Sure enough, our boss is gone and he has locked the doors and we never received our checks. L gives me our boss's cell number and I call and leave him a message, asking him to call me about the paycheck. He doesn't call me back. Late Friday night L calls and tells me that she talked to T. T talked to our boss before she left work on Friday and he says he doesn't have the money to pay us but that he will pay us on Monday. T says that she is okay with that and she thinks L will be okay with that, but that he should talk to me since it is my first week. But he never said a word to me, even though I was at the office until 5:30. Bogus.

SATURDAY: I wake up this morning to discover that I cannot get out of bed. My back is sore, spasming and I can only hobble around. We go to a graduation party and I sit in a chair in the shade, trying not to move. No medications are helping; pain is strong. Twice I had needles inserted into my spine (for my c-sections) so I know a bit of what back pain feels like. This hurts.

SUNDAY: Back pain no better today and I struggle to get out of bed. Jeff is working and I cannot pick up twenty-pound Sully without pain so I call my dad and stepmom and they drive down to help. Jeff gets home and he takes me to an urgent care center. The doctor prescribes a muscle relaxer, which I took before I type this (which accounts for any misspelling, Josh!).

I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow holds. I do hope it holds a paycheck, though . . .