I am a lying, lying liar. I don't mean to be. I stare at my gmail account and have assigned myself a "status" that indicates what I am doing RIGHT NOW. Mine says that I am writing. Ninety percent of the time that isn't true. I'm working or playing with the children or just plain watching tv or doing crossword puzzles instead of writing. These aren't bad things, but I can't seem to change my status to something else. I like knowing that every once in a while it will be true and I will be writing.
It has been a hard few months of trial and error. Currently I am sans antidepressants but am on ADD meds, which I thought would automatically make me want to sit and write again. I have to admit that I can concentrate really, really well on watching tv and doing crossword puzzles.
I missed my blog. No one misses talking about herself more than me. I have been mostly incommunicado, steering clear of Facebook and blogging and even much emailing. I've been mostly trying to feel better. I want to be able to tell family and friends that I feel better without being a liar. See, there it is again. Lying. But is it a lie if I pretend I'm doing better mentally than I really am if it comforts those who love me? After all, I'm not unable to get out of bed. I'm functioning, some days even well.
Can one change his or her nature? Are there things that are just hard wired into our brains that simply cannot be changed?
So now that summer is more than half over and I've complained about the sheer heat rising up from the pavement, I will truly make an effort to blog more -- if not for you than for me.
And I am pretty sure that isn't a lie.
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