It's Never Too Late

I am tardy. Quite tardy in updating this blog, but I plan to rectify that, as I have missed this forum in which to prattle on and on about this and that. Last year (!) I had an epiphany regarding Jude that was rather profound and which has slightly altered my relationship with him.

Jude is four. A very frustrating four. I have learned over the course of many, many months that there is apparently no statement I can make to Jude to which "Why?" is not an appropriate response.

"Jude, it is dinner time." "Why?"

"Jude, we need to pick up this mess." "Why?"

"Jude, we're going to grandma's and then to papa's house." "Why?"

Well, you get the idea.

Jude is constantly running late, a procrastinator. Frustrating with his general inquisitiveness because it extends to EVERYTHING. He is sensitive, cries when his feelings are hurt and is physically incapable of not making a mess. In short . . .

Jude is just like me.

No, that's not fair. He is his own person to be certain. But each bad quality I see in myself is magnified when I look at Jude. And suddenly I remember what it was like to be a kid and cry because my feelings were hurt and being told that I needed to "toughen up." Well, thirty years later and I am still not tough.

But I get so frustrated with Jude. I don't know if this is typical for parents with four-year-olds, but I can't believe mine is such a special case in terms of frustration.



I've lost my temper with him and when I do, I recall others losing their tempers with me. I think of the idea of a mother with infinite patience, a calm tone and healing hands and that angelic creature is completely not me. I'm human, frustratingly so. But I want to be a good parent and I work very hard at it.

Sully, by contrast, is quite smily. He is walking all the time, into everything and chatters a good deal. This pre-speech sounds like a bunch of squeaks and noises of happiness and I love it. In temperament, we are not similar, but I love him very much. He is a calming presence in our chaotic home. I've grown accustomed to the chaos, though.



I find it is most difficult for me to write in quiet anymore. I need the sounds of someone pounding on the Bob the Builder toolset. I need to hear the sounds of lego castles being built and destroyed.

Most of all, I need to hear the sound of tiny feet on hard wood floors, exploring, laughing and crying. Here.

Movie Review of a Movie You've Already Seen or Never Plan to See: Elf. I realize it is after Christmas, but Jude has just discovered Elf and he has declared it to be "a funny movie." I agree; Will Ferrell is very funny. It is funny and touching and enjoyable.

Song of the Day: "If You're Not the One" from Daniel Bedingfield.