First, I cribbed the title from Fight Club, but I really don't want to talk about it.
Something else I don't want to talk about (but, of course, will): I am not as special or unique as I thought. I happened to glance at a local newspaper and was immediately drawn in by two things. First, the local theater is playing 6 different movies and I have no interest in seeing any of them. But the second article upset me even more. It was a wedding announcement for someone in my current town and she has the same name as me. This disturbed me, though I cannot pinpoint the precise reason.
I have two children whom I mention only about as often as I digest food and breathe air. They are boys and when it came to naming them, I wanted to choose names that straddled the line of uniqueness, but didn't delve into weirdness. Thus, Jude and Sullivan. Even after weeks and weeks, months and months of saying these names, I still love them. Of course, giving one's child a particular name doesn't guarantee certain personality traits.
I've given much thought to personality lately, as, while babies do have individual personalities, they are not nearly as developed as that of a three-year-old. I have logged many hours at Jude's day care, observing him as he interacts with the other children and I see a very happy, energetic kid, but I also see a kid who desperately wants to fit in and be liked by the other kids. I wonder how easily he will be able to make friends. I wonder how easily he should want to make friends.
By now it should be very evident that I am an introvert and have never had a huge circle of friends; nor, though, have I been completely friendless. I have, instead, always had a couple of close friends and that sufficed for me, though I admit that there were times when I closed my eyes and wished for the popularity fairy to pay me a visit.
I have always been concerned with just "being myself" and I want my sons to be individuals, proud of who they are. I don't want them to feel pressured to be part of a crowd, but I also don't want them to be without friends as I do feel that friendships are an important part of growing. I even believe that adults should maintain friendships, though distance and time make this sometimes difficult.
How much of yourself is it acceptable to sacrifice in order to make friendships? Where is the line between compromise and giving up parts of yourself? I submit that ultimately it is possible to "be yourself" and still have friends, to be an individual, but still assimilate enough to be a respectable adult. So, boys, the lesson for today is to like who you are, do what you like and somewhere, someone will like you as well. You are unique. You are beautiful. And unlike a snowflake, you won't melt away, though I know that someday you will drift away from me on a breeze, just as it should be.
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It's so much harder for me to watch my kids struggling with this than it was for me to go through it. But you've got it exactly right:
like who you are, do what you like and somewhere, someone will like you as well
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